Hello everyone. I know, it's been a while. Forgive me for being unfaithful to my blog. This week I'll be dealing with the subject of grief. Grief is a topic that arises during the holiday season unlike any other time of the year. This is regardless as to when you actually lost your loved one. I've often wondered why that is, but I guess it is obvious. The holidays are meant to be a joyous time and our memories are filled with times spend with our loved ones and our various traditions. The very thought of looking across the holiday dinner table to a seat vacated by death and loss may seem too hard to bare. If you had a healthy and loving relationship with that individual they would no doubt not want you to be alone and wallow in grief. They would want you to honor their memory by living your life to the fullest. I know it's easier said than done. Let me also add my disclaimer to say I am not a therapist, nor have I had any training in grief. I have the unfortunate life experience of having lost so many loved ones that it is painful to think about. So you know that like you I must find ways to handle the holidays and grief as well. Let's explore the topic together.
Dare to remember?
I think it's safe to say that no one wants to be forgotten. We all want to make some sort of mark that is left in this world. Whether it be from our benevolent acts of kindness, to nurturing healthy well rounded children, ministry to the community, you name it. We especially want to be remembered by our loved ones to whom we make the greatest impact.
Don't fool yourself into thinking that the easiest way to deal with grief is to forget. That is impossible and can lead to unhealthy behavior to help you suppress your memories such as alcohol, drugs, or even isolation.
One of the best ways to honor your departed is to treasure your memories. As each one of us are human and make mistakes, you will have good and sometimes bad memories of lost loved ones. It's okay to remember the good, bad and ugly. There is a danger in concentrating on the negative which I will not get into in this first exploration of grief. I'm basically dealing with the good people you may have lost.
There are many ways to enjoy the memories of those gone on before us. I have had some of the most fulfilling conversations with my nieces and nephews about my mother and their grandmother who died before most of them were born. I'll bring out my photo albums and share fond memories and stories with them. They never fail to be completely engrossed and ask tons of questions. In doing this I am allowing her memory to live on and our family history. Make a memory book with photos, newspaper clippings, written stories, etc. about your loved ones. You will especially appreciate doing this as you get older and the memories begin to fade. Make a point of including your deceased loved one in your holiday get together. Share laughs from fond memories, make a donation to charity in their name, or any other way that you can think to incorporate them in your holiday season. Cherish your memories, because they can never be taken away. Remember that your loved one would not want you to be so chained to the past that you are not living in the present and looking to your future! Life is for the living, but made rich by the people who have crossed your path in your journey. Yes, dare to remember!
